Loser!

In the movie “Never Been Kissed”, Drew Barrimore played the part of a 25ish year old undercover newspaper reporter trying to find a story pretending to be a high school student. As a child, her character was a misfit, the girl who was strange and tried to fit in with the “in” crowd, but only managed to embarrass herself. By returning to high school, she was given a second chance to fit in, but she began to fall into her old ways and failed to find a story. She went to a party to try to become friends with the popular girls, and had her hand stamped at the door. Someone gave her a brownie laced with pot and she became the life of the party, or so she thought. In reality, she only embarrassed herself again. She went home and ended up passing out with her head resting on her hand. The next day she went to school, thinking she was “all that”, and became confused when everyone started calling her a “loser”. “Loser,” everyone chanted, as she ran to the bathroom crying. As she splashed water in her face, she noticed a mark on her forehead. After doing a double take she saw that the hand stamp had transferred onto her forehead and the stamp, now written in reverse, read, “loser”.

What? She freaked out and started scrubbing frantically at her forehead for it to disappear, but it didn't. She then realized that she has just walked around school with “loser” written on her forehead for everyone to see.

I am such a loser! First, one of the 100 things you need to know about me is that I am not a “girly-girl”. Nothing ultra feminine about me; never has been. I was an honorary Boy Scout as a child and avoided any girly activities. Before my interview yesterday, I had the desire to be girly. I took a nice long bath, exfoliated the feet and put on a new shade of toenail polish. I shaved my legs and sat back in awe of my newfound femininity.

When I looked at my feet, I realized that the winter had left them looking bone white. Hmmm, I should try a self-tanning lotion. I have heard people complain that they streak, but I’ve also heard people say that if you buy the good kind and follow the directions, being sure to wash your hands, the results can be good. Being the ultra tightwad, I bought the cheapest stuff I could find. Off I went to try a test spot on my foot. I waited 2 – 3 hours.... and nothing. Still bone white. Obviously, I was not going to be affected by this treatment, so what the heck! I put it on my arms and my legs.

The next day I went to the interview and changed into my short-sleeved sweater and dress pants. I looked professional. The interview went very well, and they were clearly interested in me. Afterwards I ended up staying overnight in a hotel because of flight delays (that will be another blog entry). I got up this morning, showered, and as I brushed my hair while looking in the mirror, I spotted this on the inside of my forearm -


Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Was this on my arm during the interview? I didn’t remember seeing it! Oh, my God! What a loser! They must have thought I was a complete idiot!

Then I thought – I never have been a girly girl, and people who know that will think this is a riot! I showed my arm to everyone at work today and we nearly wet our pants laughing so hard at the thought of me looking like this in an interview. “Only you,” they said!

I will hear by next week if Cincinnati wants a stained freak to work with them!