My Third Breast
The beauty of being a teacher is that children say the darndest things. And they are usually right! How funny, then, that a co-worker who I really like was the one with brutal honesty.
Friday I was working with a small group, cutting out snowflakes, only I couldn't get my snowflakes to work. Turns out that in the five or six years since I have cut them out of white paper, my brain decided to file the procedure for successful paper snowflakes in the somewhere between "You'll never want to do this again, so forget about it, " and "You can't cut out paper dolls, either, so don't even try snowflakes".
Another teacher, who happens to have a degree in art even though she doesn't teach art, walked past my door just as I opened my first paper snowflake miracle. It came apart in about 3 pieces, and she saw this and offered to help. Thank you! She reminded me of the basics, hold onto the fold, and cut a cone shape. Oh, yeah! I remember now. Trying to look like this "visiting teacher" had been planned from the beginning, I followed her directions and everyone started cutting. The two interpreters in the room also helped the students get started. Paper snowflakes were all over the room. So were the millions of tiny scraps that the students had cut to create their snowflakes. Now I remembered why I hadn't done this in five or six years. I'm surprised the maintenance staff hasn't banned paper snowflakes in their contracts!
As the kids worked, we began to talk about the upcoming staff Christmas party. I had planned to go (it was tonight), but decided not to at pretty much the last minute. Then, the guest teacher pointed to the front of my sweatshirt and told me that there was something there. I looked down, and didn't see anything.
"Where?" I asked her.
"Right there," she pointed again at the front of my sweatshirt.
This exchange happened at least four more times before one of the interpreters said, "She's pointing to your third breast. I get them, too."
OH MY GOD! Even though I have been losing weight, it seems that my bra wasn't fitting properly, and some of me was spilling out from the front of my bra. GEEZ! The other teacher was so embarrassed, she didn't know what it was (she has NOTHING THERE!) and felt terrible that she had pointed it out. I could have cared less. I was ticked that this was happening with a bra that had always fit me really well. You never know when your clothing will revolt.
Thank goodness my students happily cut their paper snowflakes are were oblivious to our conversation. I sure didn't need them to point out my third breast and tell their families that their teacher is a disfigured freak!
Earlier in the day, I showed everyone these:
Now they all want me to teach them how to make the clogs. I said after Christmas.
I have managed to knit the first pair of clogs for my children without either of them seeing them. The orange one is for my daughter, the green for my mother and the rose for my MIL. My daughter even knit today from my knitting bag with her clog in there and never saw it. I pulled the yarn out for her and told her that I would get her project out and put it back in for her. She thought this was normal, and didn't mind a bit.
Two more pairs to knit before Christmas. No problem.
I had a great start on the Christmas thing. Lists were made, plans arranged and a schedule set. Then I got sick of it and nothing has been done for a week. Crap! Here is where I stand with 13 days to go:
Buy Christmas cards
- Sign and include photos of girls in Christmas cards
- Address Christmas cards
- Stamp and send cards (most people do all of these as one step. For me, each one is a process, and I'm happy if I'm done with them in a week)
- Set up tree (We have waited as late as Dec. 18th in the past.... Dec 24th would work, too)
Shop for never-ending small gifts for girls school and girl scout exchanges(Is it really possible to be creative with a $5 gift for a 9 year old?)
- Finish Christmas gift shopping (I'm pretty proud that I have actually started and have some done - and I haven't bought any boozy chocolate yet)
- Make cookies (I actually want to this year)
- Sit through two school Christmas concerts (I will need the boozy chocolate for this)
SurviveEnjoy my daughters girl scout troop's carolling in the neighborhood
- Make Gluhwein (this should be first on the list - the knitting may go even more quickly and the results could be a lot more creative!)
- Wrap presents so that they can be ripped apart in a fraction of the time taken to wrap them
- Make Christmas dinner (one person doesn't like turkey, one doesn't like cornish hen, several can't have ham, I am the only one who loves lamb. I'm thinking of a Christmas spaghetti - everyone likes spaghetti, right?)
Tomorrow is shopping with my mother. My mother hasn't shopped for Christmas gifts in two years. I have gotten the gifts for my girls, wrapped them, brought them to her house, and last year one of my daughters noticed that her paper was the same as mine! YIKES! I offered to take her to the stores in Appleton that have EXACTLY the ONE thing she could get, go in and out quickly to each of the three stores, and then go out for lunch. The lunch bribe twisted her arm. It should be fun.... cross my fingers.
I better get to bed. I's 1:15 am and I have to be up in 6 hours. The final sole for the last of my daughter's clog will have to wait until tomorrow night.