Through the Back Loop

Adventures in knitting, fiber arts, and family.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Top 10 Reasons That I Will NOT Earn the Gold Medal

10. Personal trauma. Mother-in-law ended up in the hospital the week before the games with a heart attack. The Sunday after opening ceremonies my DH was in the ER with his own chest pains. They did a heart cath on Monday which turned out good (he has to exercise more, but no blockage that needs to be treated right now).

9. Limited training time. Everytime I turned around, time was taken away from me to practice swatches, chart potential patterns, or read up on dying techniques.

8. Dying Dilemmas. Crap! The dying took twice as long as it was supposed to. Thanks to a blizzard, I finally got the yarn somewhat dark enough, but it still needed two more days to dry! Maybe I bit off a wee bit more than I could handle with this?

7. No knitting time.
Ok. Could my daughters, who I dearly love, please take a break from all of their sporting events so that I can knit? Why is it that they have to be involved in swim meets, basketball games, and basketball tournaments? I mean, what is really more important in life, that they build confidence and develop their skills as part of a team, learning how to work together and strive to better themselves, or I FINISH THIS GOD D#!M KNITTING? It seems pretty clear to me! They need to sit at home, quietly, while I work to get this virtual medal!

6. Crappy spectators.
Every time I try to knit, someone asks me what I’m doing and I have to tell them the entire story of the Knitting Olympics. I need a sweatshirt, or a large hat, that says, “I’m Competing in the Knitting Olympics. LEAVE ME ALONE!”
Can someone come up with this, please?

5. The Frog pond.
After the wool dried and I wound it into little balls of cotton candy, I started knitting. The first ribbing (based upon the measurements from my swatch) was too loose. The swatch lied. I hate the swatch! Obviously, after it was knit and left to sit overnight, it got some grand idea to change measurementsnets so that when I measured it the next day it giggled away at its own cleverness. I ripped and started over on smaller needles. Then, after the ribbing, it has been rip, rip, rip, and rip again to get the pattern to fit into the space, because my entire pattern was developed based upon my SWATCH MEASUREMENTS!

I have thrown the swatch in the garbage. The sticky, gooey, smelly part of the garbage. Guess I got the last laugh there!

4. Equipment malfunctions.
It took me two days to find the US7 dpn, then I needed smaller. It took a lot of stomping, swearing, and sweating to find the US5 dpn. Of course they were right where I had left them, with my baby cap pattern. I hate it when I do that!

3. Bad tempers.
I have been so crabby lately that I can’t even stand myself. I have learned that it is much harder to be a single mom, especially with the year of medical problems that we have had. To recap – in August my father-in-law was hospitalized with a strange infection that was never truly diagnosed or treated successfully. In September he ended up back in the hospital because of the infection and my mother-in-law had a major stroke. Two parents in two different hospitals in two different cities. In October, my mother took her first trip away in three years and ended up in the hospital with a blood infection, bladder infection and a kidney stone. November – my mother-in-law had a procedure done to clean the arteries in her neck, and I had minor surgery for my endometriosis. December, you ask? Well, that would have been my mother, back in the hospital, for five days. January gave us some time off so that we could get the double whammy in February – my mother-in-law’s heart attack and DH’s chest pain. It has been quite a school year!

2. Cookies.
Did I mention that I am the “cookie mom” for my youngest daughter’s Girl Scout troop? Uh, huh! On Friday I get to sort out 2, 700 boxes of cookies for each of the 16 girls. Knit? When?

1 I feel the project has morphed into a living creature and is whipping my a##!

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Can you hear it laughing at me, too?

Oh, and the uneven dye coloring? I'm telling myself that it adds character!


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